


Imagine Me Gone

by paperwishes



Series: The Black Paladins of Voltron [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Cuddling & Snuggling, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Kinda, Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Mind Meld, Not Really Character Death, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), ghost lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-11 20:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13532058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperwishes/pseuds/paperwishes
Summary: Lance becomes the Black Paladin after Shiro, but, after Lance disappears in much the same way, Keith is forced to take his place. When he starts hearing Lance's voice and seeing him, Keith begins to wonder if he's being haunted or if there's a way to get the man he fell in love with back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Black Lion is supposed to chose her new paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really looking forward to writing this fic. The concept is one that I've been dying to write, I mean, I'm also kind of dying inside at how I CAN'T ACTUALLY TELL ANYONE THE FULL CONCEPT WITHOUT SPOILERS so I guess this is what I'll have to go with for now. I might go back and change it after I write the spoilery parts, but who knows. Either way, this is going to be fun :D

Lance was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine. He came out of the Black Lion quiet, and couldn’t find the strength to look anyone in the eyes.

So he stared at the ground, at the scuffs and dirt and blood tracked into the hangar floor that they hadn’t had a chance to clean up after their last battle. Well. More like they’d had the time, but the paladins all felt a bit like ghosts. A bit less real, a bit more lost without a leader.

But Lance was fine. Yeah, he wasn’t the Black Paladin, but that was fine. He wasn’t like Shiro. He wasn’t… that strong. That brave. That good.

Which was fine. It was fine because it had to be, because, if it wasn’t… no. He couldn’t go there. Lance had had his chance, and he hadn’t been chosen, so he needed to suck it up and deal. For the sake of the the team, if nothing else.

Blue was uncharacteristically silent. He didn’t know if the other lions were like this—they never really talked about it—but Blue. Blue was his lifeline, the only one besides Hunk and Keith that could keep the loneliness away. Hunk, because he was Lance’s best friend. Keith, because it was hard to feel lonely when Keith stared at him like that, like he wanted to incinerate Lance with a look, like he wanted something more than he knew how to say, something that neither of them could put a name to yet. Like Lance mattered.

Granted, arguing with Keith wasn’t the healthiest of coping mechanisms, but it worked. He needed someone to treat like family, someone to tease and bother and protect. With Hunk that was less of an option, because Hunk was a sweetheart and Lance couldn’t bring himself to bother him that much. So Lance did what he always did. He flirted with strangers and fought with family. He didn’t really view Keith as a brother or that kind of family, more like… someone to be close to. Someone to trust and save and be saved by.

And Blue, because she gave him company whenever he needed it, which was almost always. She was the constant, comforting hum in the back of his mind. Lance needed that, more than anything else. He was used to home, used to earth and a family too big for anyone but them to keep track of. Blue wasn’t all of that, but she provided it as best she could, and, to some extent, it worked.

He wasn’t sure how he would have dealt with having Black as his lion instead of Blue, now that he thought about it. Surely she wouldn’t have been as friendly as Blue, but, still. He’d wanted to lead, wanted to matter, wanted to be seen. Not as the castle idiot, or the walking joke, or the fucking comic relief. But as someone to keep them all together.

Lance couldn’t bring himself to look up from the hangar floor, because he knew what would happen next. He knew exactly who the black lion would choose—exactly who he would have chosen in her place—and even though it was fair, it hurt like hell because it was another reminder of everything he couldn’t be and everything he couldn’t do.

He barely noticed when Hunk came out of the Black Lion and silently left.

Keith would be the black paladin. Of course he would be. Keith would be a good leader in his own right, and, despite everything, Lance didn’t hate him for it. He couldn’t blame Black for choosing the best for the team.

So he was just as surprised than everyone else when Keith walked back out of Black with an unmistakable look of relief and guilt, and said, “She didn’t choose me.”

***

They stood in shocked silence for a moment.

“Then what about the Black Paladin?” asked a disbelieving Pidge. “What about Voltron? What about the universe, the Galra, _Zarkon_?”

Lance was the first to notice how deathly still Allura was, how quiet. How tense. Like she had anger just barely tucked under her skin and it wanted out. Which was a stark contrast to Keith who was a quiet in a completely different way. Keith was a ghost, already halfway gone, and Allura was—

Storming to the Black Lion? Her usual grace was gone—no, not gone, different. Sharper. She moved like fire, hypnotic and inherently dangerous.

“Princess—“ began Coran, but he was cut off by her shout.

“How could you? If you—if you weren’t going to pick me, if you weren’t going to let me _fight_ for a universe the way I couldn’t fight for my own people, then at least pick one of them!”

Lance didn’t realize that he’d been running towards her until he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Allura tensed, and for a moment he thought she was going to shove him away, or glare at him until he either dropped his hand or dropped down dead. But her shoulders curved inwards and she slumped.

“Allura.” He kept his voice low enough to keep the others from hearing, and dropped his hand in favor of moving so he could face her. Lance didn’t know what to say, didn’t even know what he was going to say until he got the words out, only that he hated seeing her like this. Lost, unsure. Like him. She deserved better than that. “Allura, look. I don’t know what we’re going to do either, but this isn’t going to help. You’re the closest thing we have to a leader of Voltron here, and we need you.”

She snorted. “If I were the closest thing we have to a leader of Voltron, then Black would have chosen me.”

“Allura—“

She turned away, walked off, and said “I’ll be in my chambers. Don’t disturb me unless we’re under attack.”

The only move Lance made in reaction to her leaving at first was to close his eyes and breathe out.

***

Pidge, Coran, and Keith left shortly after Allura. Lance had found himself half wishing that Keith paused and had to resist the urge to come and talk to Lance, but he sincerely doubted that it happened and couldn’t bear to check.

He didn’t want to know how off his wishes were any more than he already did.

Lance stayed, sitting back against the hangar wall across from Black, feeling human and small and tired in comparison. He felt even more alone than usual, and idly noted that Blue wasn’t curling around his mind and comforting him like she always did. In fact, she wasn’t contacting him at all. For now, he didn’t particularly care; he just stared at Black until he couldn’t stand it anymore and had to leave.

***

Dinners with Shiro gone were alternately full of a solemn silence or of nervous chatter. At first, Lance tried to act normal and playful, but it just reminded himself of how little he was suited to the role of Black Paladin, and that made him want to punch something.

“Has anyone seen the princess?” asked Pidge, not looking up from their favorite tablet. Normally Lance would have thought that they just were that good at multitasking, but he couldn’t help but feel that it was more because they didn’t want to see the way everyone looked after that question, tired and resigned.

“No,” said Hunk, and Lance shook his head, not looking away from Pidge. Hunk sighed and said, “I’m not sure if she’s been eating. Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask: Coran, could you help me make some Altean dishes for her?”

“Of course!” When Lance looked up, Coran was rubbing his hands together in half-feigned glee. “I’ve been waiting for you to ask me. After all, I am the master chef about this castleship.”

Pidge and Hunk looked like they were trying to swallow a laugh at that comment.

Pidge barely managed to conceal a snort as a cough, went after them, and said, “I’ve been meaning to update my information on Altean customs, and I haven’t really gotten to their foods yet. Mind if I watch?”

“Go for it,” replied Hunk.

They left, Coran excited, Hunk more numb than usual, and Pidge smirking.

In the silence that followed them, Lance realized that he was alone in the dining room with Keith.

Fuck, there’s no way that was going to end well.

When Keith opened his mouth to speak, Lance braced himself for an argument. So of course he was surprised when Keith looked over at him with something like concern in his expression and said, “Have you been okay?”

Lance stared at him like he’d sprouted purple fur, fangs, claws, and gone full on Galra.

“It’s just… you’ve been quiet and it’s weird.” Keith was unnaturally still.

Lance felt his lip curl upwards in a small smirk. “Why, mullet, if I didn’t know better I’d guess that you cared.”

This, for some reason, was what it took for Keith to regain his composure and raise an eyebrow. “And that would be a bad thing?”

Lance choked on his goo. “Um. No? But you have to admit it’s… kind of surprising. Considering. You know. The rivalry and all.”

“Right,” said Keith, sounding a little bit more like his usual aloof self. “The ‘rivalry’.”

“Well, excuse you. _For your information_ , our rivalry will be famed throughout the universe. People will pay to see us argue.”

Keith sighed. “You do realize that we’re on a team right? It’s not much of a team if you insist on my rival.”

“It’s not much of a team without a leader either,” said Lance, too tired to bother with their usual kind of banter. With a start, he realized that they’d taken on the same tones they used when they ran into each other late at night in some forgotten corner of the castle and talked until they fell asleep. The familiar one.

It felt weird to be like this during the day, without the castle lights turned low and the particular kind of quiet that came from being the only ones awake.

“Yeah,” said Keith, running a hand through his hair harshly enough that Lance winced in sympathy. Keith didn’t seem to notice. “That’s… yeah. Not good.”

He sounded guilty. Lance turned in his chair to fully face him. “You do know that’s not your fault, right? We all could have taken up the responsibility. None of us were chosen. The most we can do now is figure out a way to move on and keep fighting.”

“Until we get Shiro back.”

“Until we get Shiro back,” Lance repeated. He smiled weakly. “Race you to the training room?”

Keith managed a small smirk. “You won’t win.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, mullet-brain.”

They looked gazes for a moment. And, all at once, they were moving. Lance leapt out of his chair and running out the door, with Keith right behind them.

Lance couldn’t forget what had happened. But he could damn well try.

***

Later that night, he woke up with a nightmare lingering in the back of his mind and a need to go somewhere. Anywhere but where he was. He got up with a groan and left his room, not planning on heading anywhere particular. Lance wondered if Keith had been able to sleep tonight.

When he found himself in the hangar with the Lions, Lance blinked, confused. He could have sworn that he’d been on his way to the training room, where he usually met Keith. Shaking his head, he turned to leave, idly noting that Black’s mouth was open.

He froze in the doorway before slowly looking back. Nope, he hadn’t imagined it. The Black Lion had her mouth open, inviting her paladin in. Lance glanced around the hangar to check that there wasn’t another paladin in there with him. But he was alone.

Hesitantly, Lance walked over to Black, expecting her to shut her mouth when he came too close. It wasn’t until he stepped in that he realized that, oh shit, this was real. This was real.

Had the Black Lion chosen him? Or maybe she just wanted to show him something?

He was shaking when he sat down in the chair. The cockpit lit up as the screens turned on. Out of sheer habit, he reached out in his mind for Blue. At first, he thought he hadn’t found anything, and was about to panic when he was suddenly enveloped in the mind of Lion.

Lance would have thought it was Blue, if it wasn’t for how completely different this Lion felt. Like a storm and that strange mix of confidence and calm that he associated with Shiro. It wasn’t until he felt something drop from his cheek that he realized he was crying.

_Black? Shiro?_ He sent both questions at the same time, too surprised to be more direct.

When Black purred, he felt the reverberating hum in his chest.

“Holy shit,” whispered Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear what you think, and constructive criticism is welcome :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the others find out.

Lance wasn’t sure how long he sat there, just trying to process through the pure shock. It took Black sending him a feeling that was almost… amused? A bit impatient too, like she was asking him if he was just going to sit there or if he was going to fly.

And he wanted to. Dear god, did he want to. In theory. But the moment that he seriously considered _actually flying the Black Lion_ Lance just wanted to hide behind the pilot seat. What if she thought he was a terrible pilot? What if he crashed her? Oh my god, what if he managed to hurt the Black Lion? Would she not let him in again? What if—yeah. This was not happening. Not right now. He needed time.

As Lance stumbled out of the Black Lion, his legs shook beneath him, and he smiled, feeling like he’d saved a planet. Or a solar system.

He raced through the halls, barely managing to catch himself at Hunk’s door. Lance didn’t bother to punch in the code, too wired to wait, and just pressed the emergency entry button. The minute the door opened and the light automatically turned on, he was already halfway inside, and said, “Hunk. You’ll never believe what just happened! I—“ He faltered. The figure on the bed was distinctly un-Hunk-like. There was no yellow paladin pajamas, just jeans (who wears jeans to sleep?) and a red jacket—oh. Oh. “Hunk?” Lance asked, already knowing the answer but hoping he was wrong.

Keith groaned and rolled over to face him. Lance had been expecting a glare sharp enough to almost draw blood, but instead he got half-closed eyes, rumpled hair, and the most endearing sleepy expression he’d seen in his life. “What?”

He may have made a mistake.

Keith squinted at him. “Lance?” And, wow, okay, he had not been at all prepared to hear Keith’s voice when he’d just woken up. Keith practically jumped out of bed, holding a knife (dear god, did he sleep with that thing? Lance was seriously beginning to doubt that Keith understood the logistics of how normal people slept) and jaw set. “What’s going on? Are we in danger? Is the castle—“

“Whoa, there, buddy. It’s fine. Everyone is fine.”

The effect of Battle Keith was a little ruined by how messy his hair and clothes were, not to mention the confusion, but Lance appreciated the sentiment.

“Then what are you doing in my room?”

“Quickly realizing that I may have accidentally come into your room instead of Hunk’s?”

Keith slumped back against the wall and made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “Of course you are.”

“Sorry,” said Lance. “I’ll just… go now.”

He spun around and was just about to open the door when Keith spoke. “Wait.”

Lance froze. “What?”

“You wanted to tell Hunk something, right?”

“Yes?”

“You could always tell me instead,” said Keith. His voice had an unfamiliar tone to it, and it took Lance a moment to realize that it was nervousness. He turned around and stared at Keith, who stubbornly met his gaze. Was he…? “You did already wake me up, so this way Hunk could get the rest of his sleep.”

“That’s… unusually nice of you.” Lance didn’t bother to keep the suspicion out of his voice. The tiny bit of hope, however, was not meant to make it through. Didn’t seem to stop it from trying, though.

Keith huffed out a laugh. “It’s been known to happen,” he said dryly. Which. Okay, Lance may not have been prepared for Keith in general, because how was he supposed to concentrate on having a coherent conversation when he made jokes? Or existed? “But you did wake me up, so you kind of owe me an explanation for that.”

Lance shrugged, mentally telling his heart to _calm the fuck down_. “I mean. If you’re cool with that, then… sure?”

He studied Keith, who had tucked his knife back under his pillow (ha! So he _did_ sleep with it. Lance was torn between satisfaction and sadness on that one) and was now watching him back, cheeks just the slightest bit redder than usual, and eyebrows raised expectantly. “Well?”

Lance was reminded, abruptly, of exactly why he had come crashing into Keith’s room in the early hours of the morning. “Um. So. I may now be. The Black Paladin?”

There was a pause. “You’re what?”

“I mean, I went down to the Lion hangars, and Blue wouldn’t let me in or even talk to me, and then I saw that Black’s mouth was open and I went in and she powered up and talked to me a bit? It’s not really talking with the Lions, but you know what I mean. So I’m pretty sure I’m the Black Paladin now, and I’m kind of freaking out, because how am I supposed to lead or fly the Black Lion, or—“

“Lance.” Keith cut him off, and Lance looked up finally realizing that Keith was now standing in front of him, an amused tilt to his mouth. “It’s fine. You’ve been unofficially leading us since…”—he swallowed—“Shiro left anyway, and flying Black can’t be much different from flying Blue. You’ll do fine.”

“Oh,” Lance said in a small voice. “Wait, really? I have been?”

“Well, I know that you’ve been keeping track of everyone, making sure that we’re dealing with everything after the battle with Zarkon as well as we can be. And you’ve been advising Allura. And on missions, you usually end up being the one making the plans and calling the shots anyway.”

“But… But I’m…” Lance gestured at himself helplessly.

Keith raised an eyebrow. “Your point being?”

“I’m me! How am I supposed to… you know.”

Keith shrugged. “I don’t know, but you’ve been doing it anyways. You could just keep doing what you’ve been doing.”

Lance honestly had no idea how to react to that. So he found himself dramatically staggering back and collapsing against the wall. “Is this… is _Keith McMullet Kogane_ actually giving me, Lance McClain, a compliment.

Keith was watching him with his eyebrows furrowed. “Did you have to use our last names? You’re making it sound like… some kind of ridiculous marriage proposal.”

He held up a hand, half in seriousness this time. “Dude, do _not_ bring proposals into this. I might have an honest to god heart attack and die, and how would that look to the team? Me, dead in my rival’s room?”

“Like you came in and had a heart attack because I mentioned marria--”

“Well, I meant to imply foul play, but close enough,” Lance snapped, because, dear god he could not possibly let that boy continue or he might accidentally make good on his promise.

Keith was staring at him, and if Lance hadn’t spent so much time with him, he would have thought that Keith’s exasperation was real. And it was, but there was a slight quirk on one side of his mouth that looked suspiciously like amusement. He shook his head at Lance and said, “But really. You’ve done well at this so far, and I don’t see why that pattern would stop any time soon.”

This time Lance contained himself and said a quiet, slightly puzzled, “Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.”

Keith’s smile was the last thing Lance saw before the door closed behind him.

What. The fuck.

***

Lance _had_ gone back to sleep a few hours earlier with a smile on his face, but he woke up to the obnoxious blaring of the castleship’s alarm and glared at the wall. He got up with a groan, already almost completely awake out of habit, threw on his paladin armor, and hauled ass to the hangar.

He was halfway there when he remembered to turn on the comm link in his helmet, and winced at the immediate sounds of battle and the other paladins.

Pidge shouted, “—and where the fuck is Lance? The alarm went off over ten minutes—“

“Doboshes,” Hunk interjected.

“—fine, ten _doboshes_ ago.”

Keith spoke up absentmindedly, “He was up pretty late last night, so he probably just slept through part of it.”

There was silence from the other paladins and Lance winced.

“…do I even want to know how you know that?” asked Hunk.

“It’s not like that!” said Keith. There was the dim sound of Red being hit, and a quiet curse from Keith’s end. “God _damn_ it.”

“Keith, I don’t care and I don’t want to know.” Pidge sounded more than a little amused, and Lance couldn’t help but think that they were so going to chew him out for this later. “And Lance, I know you’re listening, I can see that your link’s on, so get your ass over here. We need backup and we need it now.”

“On my way,” he said, flinching away from the Blue at a mental nudge from Black. Lance took a deep breath before diving into the cockpit. It wasn’t until he arrived at the battle and immediately activated Black’s jawblade and went to work on one of the battleships.

It was weird, there had always been a slight disconnect between him and Blue, like he expected her to be bigger or react in ways she wasn’t made for. With Black, battle felt natural, like something he was remembering rather than something he was learning.

Lance barely noticed how quiet everyone went after he showed up until Pidge let out a hesitant and hopeful, “Shiro?”

He closed his eyes and winced before finally taking the time to turn on visual communication with the other Lions. Lance hadn’t even realized that it had been off. He smiled awkwardly at the shock on the other’s faces. Keith was the only one unsurprised, just meeting Lance’s gaze for a second—or maybe a tick?—before giving him a slight nod and refocusing of fighting and protecting the others as they stalled in surprise.

Lance smiled nervously. “Not exactly?”

There was dead silence.

“So I might be the Black Paladin now,” said Lance. “Surprise?”

That last word was apparently all that Pidge and Hunk needed to snap out of it and begin to speak—Pidge, in curiosity tinged with pride, and Hunk with a warm smile and congratulations.

“Guys,” he cut them off. “We can talk about it later. For now, we have a planet to save.”

There was a flash of a smile from Keith’s screen before they followed his instructions, Hunk looking between the two of him with a smug grin on his face. “Called it,” he muttered.

“Focus, Hunk,” snapped Pidge, but even they were smiling with a bit of exhilaration.

Lance studiously ignored those last comments.


End file.
